what we leave behind

i never expected to fall in love with this corner of the globe, but i have.  i knew living right on the river would be gorgeous, the woods embracing, and the peace healing.  got all that right.  but i had no idea i'd fall into a community that felt like home.  a perfect mix of kids and parents rollicking up and down the block on nearly every summer weekend, and then some quiet days in between.  the best of both worlds. 

i feel like i fell into a ready-made cocoon that i didn't know i needed.  lots of love, few questions.  fellowship and trust, with no caveats.  straight up friendships with lovely people all around.  i didn't bargain for leaving a chunk of my heart behind here, but that's what's coming up.  i thought i could stay aloof and alone, so it wouldn't be hard to leave here in a year.  yeah, right.  the year stretched to two, and my heart cracked open. 

i've often said that you should never leave a place until it hurts, and this is proving no exception.  emerging from my cocoon will be painful, but it's a perfect spot to launch from, and i'm ready.  (and i think another winter here alone with the boys just might drive me completely bonkers.  two was long enough!) 

i feel badly that michael never truly got to live here, just weekends and a few scattered weeks, and he really feels that.  one foot and two hands in the city, one foot here.  two years is a long time to live split though, and it's not healthy for any of us in the long run, the boys especially.  so we'll go from living mostly apart, to living in a couple hundred square feet total.  should be a test of many things, and will be crazy making in many ways, but i'm glad to leave the two-worlds thing behind.  it's time to pull oars together again.